Mind Over Body
by melancholyMisfit
Summary: Karkat doesn't like to be touched, a fact that has become very troublesome for his boyfriend of five months. Perhaps tonight Karkat will finally trust John enough to confess why he doesn't like physical attention. A JohnKat one shot requested by anon on tumblr.


Requested by anon on tumblr.

I'm in a very good mood thanks to a fantastic friend who just made my Valentine's day the best in 21 years! So this should be a rather pleasing fic!

Prompt: "JohnKat with Karkat having always been a girl?"

No rating specified so whatever happens is out of my control. It was also not specified if they wanted Humanstuck or not. As I'm writing this A/N I'm trying to think of a way to make it work for troll Karkat but we'll see how it ends up.

Put my Ipod on shuffle and the first song to play is Broadway Karkat's "Horns Over Heels" aka a JohnKat song. Coincidence?

Mind Over Body

"Stop looking at me like that." The hot tempered boy demanded, his eyebrows furrowing to match his downturned lips.  
"Like what?" John asked, a goofy grin framing his bucked teeth.  
Karkat crossed his arms over his chest and tried to ignore the eyes burning holes into the side of his face. "Like you're going to jump me any second. I'm trying to watch the damn movie."  
John chuckled and reached a hand out to stroke a strand of hair back from the other boy's face. He was amazed how much he had changed in just a few months. When he'd first met Karkat he didn't know what to make of him. He was small for a boy their age, quiet and a loner to say the least. They had actually met through Dave's girlfriend, Terezi. It had taken a few weeks to break through Karkat's shell. Even then he limited physical contact to the bare minimum. It had become apparent that he had a thing for John around three months into their friendship. All of his life John swore up and down that he was not, in fact, a homosexual. He still didn't feel attracted to other guys. There was just something about Karkat he liked.  
He was pretty for one thing. Way prettier than any other guy he'd ever seen. He also had a really nice ass that John found himself groping on more than one occasion. Even though it was obvious to all that Karkat had a thing for John, he never made a move. It was John who attacked first. He'd explained in some detail that he wasn't attracted to men but that being with Karkat was something he thought about quite a bit. It was an awkward and long winded confession but ended with a shy kiss from Karkat.  
Since then they had only kissed every so often. Karkat still didn't like to be touched. He avoided hugs and their bodies besides hands, arms and shoulders could not be touched during the kisses. There had been one occasion in which John had gotten a bit closer. They had been hanging out in his room when he'd kissed Karkat. From there he had distracted him enough with his tongue and teeth to maneuver them into a lying position side by side. He was trying to pull him closer to his chest when Karkat panicked and pushed him away.  
Today, he had lured his boyfriend over with promises of sappy romcoms but he had much bigger plans. He wanted to break through that final layer Karkat put up as a shield and show him that he could be trusted. Of course the boy was suspicious as John very rarely wanted to watch romance flicks. His suspicions only grew when John spent the first twenty minute staring at him with a mischievous grin set in place. John crawled across the couch and hovered over the other, careful not to touch him. Irritated eyes held a hint of worry and doubt as they stared at the bright blue currently blocking everything else from view. Their lips met slowly, closed mouths, nothing but lips on lips in a gentle peck. When John pulled away his smile had changed from one of mischief to one of caring. He placed one hand to Karkat's cheek, making him visibly flinch, before his mouth was on his again, this time going a bit further. He sucked Karkat's bottom lip into his mouth, his teeth worrying the sensitive flesh, drawing a quiet noise out of him. This continued for several seconds before their tongues twisted and rolled together, eliciting more sounds from both.  
John slowly moved Karkat into a laying position, both legs on the couch, fully under him. He lowered himself inch by inch, slowly enough that Karkat didn't notice right away. In fact, he wouldn't have noticed had John not taken that moment to slide the fingers of one hand under the hem of his baggy sweater. Karkat ripped his mouth from the other's before smacking his hand away, pulling his shirt down and pushing himself as far into the corner of the couch as physically possible, his legs pulled to his chest protectively.  
John sat back on his knees and stared at the quivering boy. He slowly reached a hand out but stopped half way when Karkat flinched. He turned his palm upward, toward the ceiling and waited until Karkat's hand tentatively reached out to grab it, sighing loudly and shakily.  
"I'm sorry." They said in unison, bringing a small grin to both of their faces.  
"I know you don't like to be touched. I just…wanted to show you that you could trust me. I guess that was a stupid way of doing it though."  
"I do trust you!"  
"Then why won't you even let me hug you?"  
"Because I…I can't."  
"Why not?"  
Karkat pursed his lips and looked away, focusing on the small tear in the knee of his jeans. His fingers tightened and relaxed around John's several times as if searching for comfort. Or maybe courage. Finally, after two minutes of heavy silence, he spoke.  
"Because I'm different." He whispered.  
"Different how?"  
"You'll be mad if I tell you."  
"I won't. I promise."  
"How can you be so sure? You can't promise you won't get mad if you don't even know what it is."  
John sighed. "You're right, I can't promise I won't get mad. But I love you Karkat and nothing will make me angry enough to change that."  
"This might." He whispered before teary eyes turned toward the blue eyed boy. "I'm not exactly what you think I am."  
"You're not going to tell me you're a grey skinned space alien with horns and such, are you?"  
"No you dork. I'm just…I'm a boy right?"  
"Yea. We've been over this. I don't really like guys but I-."  
"No, I know that. But that's why I think you'll be angry about this next bit."  
Without a word he reached under his sweater and undid some sort of clasp over his chest. He handed John three little hooks as he began to unwrap a piece of cloth from around his torso. When it was gone his arms disappeared inside his sweater before he was lifting a white rectangle of material, looking much like a tube top, over his head. When all was gone, he reached behind him and bunched up his sweater until it was flesh against his chest. Below the material were two medium sized lumps.  
"This is why I didn't want you to touch me." He said, his voice unsure and quiet.  
John stared for a good few minutes before he remembered how to speak again. "You…have boobs? Why do you have boobs?"  
"Because I was born a girl. I'm FtM. Female to male transgendered."  
"So…you're a girl?"  
"No. I'm a boy. I was just born with a girl's body."  
John's eyes were fixated on Karkat's chest, his hand covering his mouth and chin as if he was worried he would say something stupid.  
"If you don't want to see anymore I'll understand. Just…please don't tell anyone." Karkat said, turning his eyes to the ground and releasing the back of his sweater until it hung loosely again.  
"Whoa, wait. Why would I not want to see you? You think I'm going to break up with you over something like this?"  
"Well…aren't you?"  
"Of course not! Karkat, you're still you. I don't care if you're male, female, or if you really were a grey skinned alien with nubby horns!"  
"Why do you keep saying that?" Karkat almost laughed.  
"I love you no matter what you are. I'm a little bit confused right now but I'm not going to leave you because of this. You're still Karkat, you're still my boyfriend."  
Karkat laughed involuntarily as tears streamed down his cheeks at hearing the word _boyfriend_. John pulled him close to his chest as they embraced in their first hug since meeting nearly eight months prior. As soon as Karkat had calmed down John helped him wrap his chest binding before they popped in another movie and cuddled on the couch.

Before you comment/review please take the time to read this!  
I am not trying to imply that the only reason John is attracted to Karkat is because he was born as a woman. In my opinion, you fall for the person you belong with. I think a girl can go her entire life believing she is straight but find that one girl that she wants to be intimate with more than a boy. This doesn't necessarily mean she's sexually attracted to every girl. To me it means that she was meant to be with this other girl over anyone else in the world. I'm not sure very many others share this ideal, nor am I convinced my opinion will be very popular or respected amongst the readers and critics.  
Just know that in this story John is not attracted to the hidden female body. He fell in love with Karkat for the person that he is. Finding out that he had a female body changed absolutely nothing. John still views their relationship to be of a homosexual nature regardless of Karkat's body.  
If you feel offended or upset by this story, please do not hesitate to tell me. I am a very reasonable person and will absolutely not attack you. I ask that you do the same for me. Send me a private message if you wish. I'm available on FF, AO3, and tumblr all under melancholyMisfit and my inbox is always open. Please feel free to give me your opinions or concerns on this story.

The original A/N:

That was kind of crap, wasn't it? I'm sorry, I didn't know exactly what the anon was hoping for! I just kind of thought a transgendered Karkat fit in best here. I'm basing the binding on how my friend did his before his surgery.  
This is sappy and completely out of character for both. But it's at least cute, right? Opinions are always welcome. Requests are still open. Tumblr URL is .com.


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